bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
