when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
