I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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