if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
