My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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