OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
