dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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