They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
