you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
It's shark week go big or go home
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
