sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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