Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
