Whatcha textin bout Willis?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
