How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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