Are we in a gay sports bar?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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