I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Randomize
