Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize