Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
organizing the empties. That sober.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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