and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
