Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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