Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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