Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
