His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Randomize
