I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
