I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
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