Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
