Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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