Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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