Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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