He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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