You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
