It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
