you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
