and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
