If i come over, it means nothing
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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