there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
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