I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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