Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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