You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
