I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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