I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
