I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
