I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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