Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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