We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
No subtext here. People are naked.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize
