So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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