oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i just google imaged poop.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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