Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
