I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
