Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
