At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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