why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
