just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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