Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I want to have your abortion
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
