He uses pillows to masturbate.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
