I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
