I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize