Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
