i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
