Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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