I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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