And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize