So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
