Yo dont text me then not text me
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
i now understand why vodka
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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