There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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