Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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