after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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