Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
