I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Randomize